Softporn Adventure
Reviews Features Summary C+VG Issue 3 Writer - Elspeth Joiner IN THE sleazy streets of Lost Vagueness the traveller is subjected to the worst in vice and filth in the form of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. The nearest thing to wizardry in this adventure game is a magic mushroom which sends your vision haywire and turns your brain into a psychedelic haze of pretty colours. Softporn Adventure is delightfully seamy in theme throughout but humorously entertaining too. The purpose of the game is to find and seduce three women. It was like a dream. I awoke to find myself in the year 2000 A.D. in a wicked world in which the skies had turned green from plutonium pollution. I opted to go on holiday in a notorious gambling town where the only things people are interested in are drink, women and money. This is only a game though and you don't get "hands-on" experience yourself. You operate a puppet which becomes your eyes and ears. With $1,000 in my pocket I set off on my quest for debauchery, but $1,000 is not a lot when you want to fling it round on drinks, gambling and sex. In a dimly-lit, ill-furnished bar, I came across my first barrier to "sex-cess". A closed curtain was in the way and only after guessing the password could I walk through the curtain to discover what fruits lay behind. Tamely I tried classic words like "abracadabra". When that got me nowhere I ventured on to more imaginative words like "sex", "booze", "women", "perversion" (I won't ruin it by telling you what the password actually was). After exhausting a list as long as my arm, frustration had set in and I needed to feel a shot of whisky coursing through my veins. But $100 a go... oh it's a sign of the times. I took a break to gather my thoughts, and then started investigating the area. So far the only human I had crossed paths with was the degenerate barman, never mind a lady of easy virtue. The whisky had gone straight to my bladder so I took a trip to the bathroom. Filth lay there too. The toilet hadn't been flushed for months. The computer was right - it stank. On the walls were scrawled feet of seedy graffiti, like: "Computer freaks peek before they poke". The key to the game is the amount of money you have on you. It's vital for bribing people (like the pimp in the bar's backroom who wants $2,000 before you can go upstairs to investigate further), entry to the disco (a perfect place to pick up a girl), buying drinks and betting in the casino. If you run out of money, the chances are that you will come unstuck and be unable to proceed. The way to build up your cash supply is to try your hand in the casino. You can either play on the slot machines or at blackjack but the bets are fixed at $100 a throw so it's too easy to whittle away your cash. Very easy for me anyway - that's where I made my first mistake. I lost all my $1,000 on blackjack but being an optimist I carried on playing. Luck was on my side, or so I thought at first, and I found a passcard which got me into the disco. Girls galore were milling around daubed in "Californian sun tans" and little else. Gambling is thirsty work so I focused on the bar - this is an expensive joint, $100 for a bottle of wine. At last I'd found a girl, and after a quick boogie with a blonde on the dance floor I moved in and kissed her. The computer bleeped loudly and up on the screen flashed "Oh, don't do that, it gets me excited." She rebuffed my amorous advances but not to be deterred, I stumbled back into the casino and into the hotel lobby where a voluptuous blonde sat invitingly behind the desk. No luck with her either, she was too busy working despite the place being devoid of people. I blundered into a garden where I found a tasty looking mushroom, so feeling a bit peckish I ate it, I've heard that mushrooms have magic powers but this one beamed me into another place - still penniless. There are three alternatives if you run out of money. Go to Hell and the game ends. Be teleported back to life unharmed. Stay and try again in the game, though without any money it is pointless. The aims and format of the game are reminiscent of most adventures but the frustrations perhaps a little more intense. There is no graphical picture on the screen, just written descriptions of what confronts the player. There is a nice line in cheeky replies to unlikely, or sometimes, downright unsocial requests. On kissing a girl it issued a series of frantic bleeps and stars filled the screen - if a seduction had taken place it would probably have exploded! But obviously my sex counted against me and I found no women willing to respond to my charms. I was disappointed not to successfully seduce any women, mainly because I was intrigued (and still am) to find out just how the computer would react. If any of you know the truth I am waiting eagerly to hear it. UK suppliers of Softporn are SBD Software in Richmond. It runs on a 48K Apple and costs £17.95 - far cheaper than a real night in "Sin City". Category:Apple II Games Category:Bluesky Software Category:C+VG Reviews